I love technology. I am not always the first adopter - but I love new technology and if cost was irrelevant I would have the latest and greatest. For example, I do have a relatively new TV and DVD player. I use a Mac as my laptop. I want an iPhone - but practicality and a contract dictate I'll not be getting one for a bit yet.
I have earned some points at work that I can use to purchase fun and interesting prizes. I was cruisin' the site trying to figure out what to get. I'm completely torn. I want everything yet nothing... I checked pretty much every page, looking at everything. And I came across the electronics and thought - well perhaps it is time for a new stereo. My current stereo was purchased in 1994 and features a dual tape deck, 6-CD changer and AM/FM radio! It is really cool and I love it. But it might be the time to upgrade.
As I was looking at them - they all have iPod pull-ins and AM/FM radios - some CD players however not a one had a tape deck! NO TAPE DECK!?!?! How will I play my tapes? How will I listen to my favorite mixes that folks have made for me? WHAT WOULD I DO?!?!?!?
So it is with great sadness that I turn away from a new stereo. If the 21st century doesn't have any tapes then I want no part of it!
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
the next day
Here I sit. 72 hours after the most revealing blog post I've ever thought about writing. Am I wishing I could take the post back? Sort of. Am I embarassed? Only slightly more than a little. Do I feel as stongly today as I did Friday? Yes I do.
Of course, I don't know what to say now. What does one say when one reveals one's most inner thoughts and vulnerabilities? Hope for a positive reaction I suppose.
I'm really looking forward to seeing what's in store for me ahead. I'm trying to keep busy at work. I'm making going out plans for the weekend. Must hit the gym tonight. There's little point in being happy and thrilled with life and skipping the gym.
Back on that treadmill again!
Of course, I don't know what to say now. What does one say when one reveals one's most inner thoughts and vulnerabilities? Hope for a positive reaction I suppose.
I'm really looking forward to seeing what's in store for me ahead. I'm trying to keep busy at work. I'm making going out plans for the weekend. Must hit the gym tonight. There's little point in being happy and thrilled with life and skipping the gym.
Back on that treadmill again!
Friday, January 9, 2009
A public declaration
I've kept my personal life off my blog for the most point and kept my personal life fairly, well, personal. Right now, in this post, I'm going to go against my usual lack of personalness and share what's on my mind.
I woke up today (2 hours before the alarm) with an amazing clarity of mind. A clarity about the 'journey' I've been on for the last 16 months. (For those that don't know, 16 months ago I ended a relationship that I'd been in for 4 years.) I woke up wanting to start a new more anonymous blog about the adventures of me and my singleness - that I shouldn't share my revelations and my life with my friends.
Today, I woke up embracing that I'm single. That because I'm single, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me.
I am hesitant about going farther - but here I go - all or nothing... Over last few months I found myself coming to the thought ... "what's wrong with me? Why am I still single"? I have been for over a year and to be honest it has been a hit to the ego and reinforced the notion there was something wrong with me... And no amount of arguing and affirmations from my friend something along the lines of..."for the last time, there's nothing wrong with you, stop asking!" was going to convince me otherwise.
It with great embarrassment that I confess that in order to answer the 'what's wrong with me' question I searched the infinite number of books on amazon dedicated to 'catching a man'. Well, it was this morning I realized it isn't about that. We don't "catch" each other. It is about figuring out who you are - being it, embracing it and living your life even if it sucks at times. (FYI - I didn't buy any of the books)
But this morning it all changed... I've not been looking at my life with an optimistic lens. Yes, I come home alone to an empty apt, to a life with my cat. I don't have someone that I can curl up next to and watch a movie with. Someone to share cooking duties with in the kitchen... But inversely I don't have to relinquish the bathroom in the morning. I can stare at myself in the mirror as long as I want. I can embrace my inner bed and blanket hog! I can leave my plans flexible until the very last minute.
Since I moved back to the city 11 months ago I've been living a shell of a life. I've been cruisin' the currents of life - with no ownership, just going along because I had to. But I declare, right here, right now; that's over. I'm taking control of my life. My greatest fear is becoming a bitter, angry and desperate woman paralyzed by the fear of ending up alone. And for the last 11 months that's exactly who I've been. I've sat wondering when the perfect life is going to happen to me. I'm fortunate as I have my health, I'm smart and I've got a personality. (should I mention I'm modest, too?)
Do I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with the real me? The me that doesn't always take her make-up off before going to bed. The me that loves to read, can get really grumpy when she has to do stuff she doesn't want to and the me who loves the work she does every day at the office (even on a really crap day).
Today I'm wearing a new dress... a fabulous dress that does all the right things to accentuate what's great about my curvy figure. I willingly admit that I hate to shop for clothes (shoes & bags are a different story)... and used clothes as the crutch to hold up the belief that there is something wrong with me. How come I can't fit into the pants, shirts, etc that are designed with the thought that the exact same pair of pants are made for all women of that size. That's madness! The dress I am wearing today is one of the few items purchased that I tried on in a marathon of clothes shopping. I went into a shop, tried on so much that fit and looked good that I actually had to do a selection process (yes, I created selection criteria) to whittle the choices down.
I know that I'm going to continue to have those days when I am sad, lonely or feeling desperate for someone in my life. You can't know the highs in life without having your fair share of lows. But I've just had a 16 month low - I'm in need of creating some highs for myself.
By blogging about me today - I can't hide from the fact that I want to create change in my life. This public declaration makes it real. Something I can't back out of, something that is mine to own. I really want to hold on to the wonderful feeling I have today.
I am woman, hear me purr!
I woke up today (2 hours before the alarm) with an amazing clarity of mind. A clarity about the 'journey' I've been on for the last 16 months. (For those that don't know, 16 months ago I ended a relationship that I'd been in for 4 years.) I woke up wanting to start a new more anonymous blog about the adventures of me and my singleness - that I shouldn't share my revelations and my life with my friends.
Today, I woke up embracing that I'm single. That because I'm single, it doesn't mean that there's something wrong with me.
I am hesitant about going farther - but here I go - all or nothing... Over last few months I found myself coming to the thought ... "what's wrong with me? Why am I still single"? I have been for over a year and to be honest it has been a hit to the ego and reinforced the notion there was something wrong with me... And no amount of arguing and affirmations from my friend something along the lines of..."for the last time, there's nothing wrong with you, stop asking!" was going to convince me otherwise.
It with great embarrassment that I confess that in order to answer the 'what's wrong with me' question I searched the infinite number of books on amazon dedicated to 'catching a man'. Well, it was this morning I realized it isn't about that. We don't "catch" each other. It is about figuring out who you are - being it, embracing it and living your life even if it sucks at times. (FYI - I didn't buy any of the books)
But this morning it all changed... I've not been looking at my life with an optimistic lens. Yes, I come home alone to an empty apt, to a life with my cat. I don't have someone that I can curl up next to and watch a movie with. Someone to share cooking duties with in the kitchen... But inversely I don't have to relinquish the bathroom in the morning. I can stare at myself in the mirror as long as I want. I can embrace my inner bed and blanket hog! I can leave my plans flexible until the very last minute.
Since I moved back to the city 11 months ago I've been living a shell of a life. I've been cruisin' the currents of life - with no ownership, just going along because I had to. But I declare, right here, right now; that's over. I'm taking control of my life. My greatest fear is becoming a bitter, angry and desperate woman paralyzed by the fear of ending up alone. And for the last 11 months that's exactly who I've been. I've sat wondering when the perfect life is going to happen to me. I'm fortunate as I have my health, I'm smart and I've got a personality. (should I mention I'm modest, too?)
Do I want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with the real me? The me that doesn't always take her make-up off before going to bed. The me that loves to read, can get really grumpy when she has to do stuff she doesn't want to and the me who loves the work she does every day at the office (even on a really crap day).
Today I'm wearing a new dress... a fabulous dress that does all the right things to accentuate what's great about my curvy figure. I willingly admit that I hate to shop for clothes (shoes & bags are a different story)... and used clothes as the crutch to hold up the belief that there is something wrong with me. How come I can't fit into the pants, shirts, etc that are designed with the thought that the exact same pair of pants are made for all women of that size. That's madness! The dress I am wearing today is one of the few items purchased that I tried on in a marathon of clothes shopping. I went into a shop, tried on so much that fit and looked good that I actually had to do a selection process (yes, I created selection criteria) to whittle the choices down.
I know that I'm going to continue to have those days when I am sad, lonely or feeling desperate for someone in my life. You can't know the highs in life without having your fair share of lows. But I've just had a 16 month low - I'm in need of creating some highs for myself.
By blogging about me today - I can't hide from the fact that I want to create change in my life. This public declaration makes it real. Something I can't back out of, something that is mine to own. I really want to hold on to the wonderful feeling I have today.
I am woman, hear me purr!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
home
i made it home! in one piece if only a few hours late. but i'm here.
you don't realize how much you miss it until you come back. you tell yourself when you are gone that it's ok... but when i walked in the door... sigh...
just happy to be home.
and for those of you who've met Max - he's not that mad at me. We had a chat and we had a snuggle.
of course i might be misreading the signs and he could keep me awake all night out of revenge for being gone so long... but i'm so tired, it might not work.
you don't realize how much you miss it until you come back. you tell yourself when you are gone that it's ok... but when i walked in the door... sigh...
just happy to be home.
and for those of you who've met Max - he's not that mad at me. We had a chat and we had a snuggle.
of course i might be misreading the signs and he could keep me awake all night out of revenge for being gone so long... but i'm so tired, it might not work.
Sunday, January 4, 2009
the grande beach finale
Well in 24 hours my mom and I will be checking-in to our hotel in Orlando, having left the beach behind.
I always enjoy the time away from my life in San Francisco - able to keep the routine simple. Wake-up. Coffee. Work (if appropriate). Lunch. Sun. Back to work (again if appropriate). Dinner. Relax. No commuting. Fabulous.
However, after 3 weeks of being away - it is now time to go home and re-integrate back into San Francisco society. Work. Sushi. Commuting. Work. All you can drink sake Saturday nights. Chilly weather. Singing. And most importantly friends.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, so they say. I don't know about that. But distance certainly makes one appreciate the time at the tree house and the time at home.
Watch out SF - consider this your warning - in 48 hours I'll be home!
I always enjoy the time away from my life in San Francisco - able to keep the routine simple. Wake-up. Coffee. Work (if appropriate). Lunch. Sun. Back to work (again if appropriate). Dinner. Relax. No commuting. Fabulous.
However, after 3 weeks of being away - it is now time to go home and re-integrate back into San Francisco society. Work. Sushi. Commuting. Work. All you can drink sake Saturday nights. Chilly weather. Singing. And most importantly friends.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder, so they say. I don't know about that. But distance certainly makes one appreciate the time at the tree house and the time at home.
Watch out SF - consider this your warning - in 48 hours I'll be home!
Thursday, January 1, 2009
a smidge of Van Damme to bring in the new year
So here I sit on January 1 - at the mercy of someone else's remote/TV preferences/choices. And the remote "seems" to be paused on a Jean-Claude Van Damme flick. [The "Movie" label seems like giving the 'movie' too much credit.]
I'm horrified by not just the less than stellar acting ability, the fight scenes but the editing and consistency is atrocious! I ask in any 'awful' movie that at least one thing is done well. Fight scene or editing or music or consistency, something. Don't stink on all fronts, please! I just watched JCVD go from wearing a sweatshirt in one fight scene, to beating someone up while wearing a tank top, then back to the sweater for the next fight where the sweatshirt is then ripped off - not to reveal a tank top but just a bare chest! where did the tank top go?
I know I search for meaning in a JCVD film is a bit of a stretch - but hey, as I said I'm only looking for 1 thing that isn't terrible in the film. Usually you can get least get fabulous costumes or something!
Maybe next time...
I'm horrified by not just the less than stellar acting ability, the fight scenes but the editing and consistency is atrocious! I ask in any 'awful' movie that at least one thing is done well. Fight scene or editing or music or consistency, something. Don't stink on all fronts, please! I just watched JCVD go from wearing a sweatshirt in one fight scene, to beating someone up while wearing a tank top, then back to the sweater for the next fight where the sweatshirt is then ripped off - not to reveal a tank top but just a bare chest! where did the tank top go?
I know I search for meaning in a JCVD film is a bit of a stretch - but hey, as I said I'm only looking for 1 thing that isn't terrible in the film. Usually you can get least get fabulous costumes or something!
Maybe next time...
wrapping 2008...
Well 2008 was a busy year for me and the general consensus is that 2008 kinda sucked and 2009 shows promise. Even as the eternal optimist (with a splash of realist) I am happy to put 2008 behind me. Overall it wasn't a terrible year, just not my best yet.
I'm not one for New Year resolutions, but I think I can safely say I have a few things I want to ensure I do differently or be more aware of in 2009.
To the friends who read my blog - thank you for being a friend! Remember that often you don't realize the impact you have on others lives.
And to my bro-in-law, I promise to continue the usual OG gossip and to include more vingettes about how wonderful and fabulous you are... so please no extreme antics necessary to make it to the OG blog. (btw, thank you for making my sister happy)
So I raise my morning cup of coffee and offer a toast: Here's to what I continue to believe will be a better (perhaps a little less tumultuous) 2009 for all! Cheers!
I'm not one for New Year resolutions, but I think I can safely say I have a few things I want to ensure I do differently or be more aware of in 2009.
To the friends who read my blog - thank you for being a friend! Remember that often you don't realize the impact you have on others lives.
And to my bro-in-law, I promise to continue the usual OG gossip and to include more vingettes about how wonderful and fabulous you are... so please no extreme antics necessary to make it to the OG blog. (btw, thank you for making my sister happy)
So I raise my morning cup of coffee and offer a toast: Here's to what I continue to believe will be a better (perhaps a little less tumultuous) 2009 for all! Cheers!
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